It’s been awhile since a rant about conspiracy wonks, so I’m
due…
I’ve begun thinking that conspiracy theorists should be
renamed “conspiracy hypothesists” seeing how little evidence there is for 99.9%
of their claims. To be a proper “theorist” one has to present evidence that is
possibly compelling enough to lead to the conclusions so-called conspiracy
theorists make. Now, I like speculating and hypothesizing as much as the next
person, but I’m sure not going to tell you Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated
by garden gnomes without compelling evidence. Similarly, I’m not going to tell
you there WAS a conspiracy to assassinate JFK even though I do believe there is
something fishy about the whole thing. BUT, since I cannot prove it, since I
have no compelling evidence, all I have is a hypothesis about the assassination
and NOT a theory.
However, it appears the average conspiracy hypothesist has
never taken a basic philosophy course, much less any instruction in epistemology.
[To be fair, most people haven’t, hence, all kinds of weird ass beliefs.] To
illustrate how batshit crazy some conspiracy hypothesists are, I came across a
video by one wonk that proclaimed, among other ramblings, that there is a
reason why your navel and doctors are named what they are. Um, that would be because
YOU are akin to a ship (which apparently MUST be part of a navy) and you are
delivered by a DOCtor (get it) who cuts your umbilical cord, which creates your
navel. They (whoever they are) are very clever and like to make a joke out of
taking freedom away from good people. Our legal terminology is no coincidence! [No,
I am not making this shit up. Someone else is.] Of course, none of what our
fine theorist says is backed up by any research, especially seeing how the
etymology of “navy” is rooted in Latin and “navel” is rooted in Germanic. What
our wonk has done is nothing even close to theorizing.
Moreover, the always popular David Icke – famous for his
works of fiction about interdimensional aliens running the New World Order
being mistaken for non-fiction, especially by himself – has failed to produce a
single alien body or flat-out uncover an alien posing as a politician. At best
then, Icke is a conspiracy hypothesis, not a conspiracy theorist. The same rebranding applies to people who believe the
ancient yet suppressed “art” of sun-gazing cures all illnesses or that orgone
energy isn’t pseudo-science. As I’ve said many times before, prove it
conspiracy hypothesists! Prove these things beyond a shadow of a doubt and they’ll
not only be theorists, they’ll be fucking scientists in some cases.
I’m not going to dispute that there HAVE BEEN conspiracies
in the past. However, proven conspiracies are no longer in the realm of the
theoretical once they are revealed. Sure, they may be conspiracies currently
taking place as well, but until they can be proven they are a matter of
speculation (thus, hypothetical) and there must be evidence to compel us to
accept that any given conspiracy is actually taking place. You rarely, if ever,
get such evidence from conspiracy hypothesists who instead like nothing more
than to play connect the dots, poorly at that.
Let’s stop our tacit legitimization of the beliefs of
conspiracy theorists by calling a spade a spade; conspiracy theorists are
actually conspiracy hypothesists. The terminology is no coincidence.
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