Remembering The Great Desk Caper

In order not to offend the vewy delicate sensibilities of my fellow Americans, I waited until after Memorial Day to post this. 

It was a year or two ago one of my uncles sent me a chain email about honoring veterans. The story and its moral goes something like this [lifted from Snopes.com which designates the story as true]…

Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom.

The kids came into first period, they walked in, there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Ms. Cothren, where's our desk?" And she said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."

They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."

"No," she said. "Maybe it's our behavior."

And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."

And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing. Third period. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in Ms. Cothren's class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom.

The last period of the day, Martha Cothren gathered her class. They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room. And she says, "Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily." She said, "Now I'm going to tell you."
Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans , wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. And by the time they had finished placing those desks, those kids for the first time I think perhaps in their lives understood how they earned those desks.

Martha said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."

Even though I am a veteran – I’m a fucking Renaissance man like that – when I first read this story I laughed pretty hard. I could just imagine myself as a student in that class chiming in – because I’m a dick like that – “Sooooo, because these guys killed people in other countries, some of whom the U.S. are friends with now, I’m expected to be a good student? Isn’t the point of fighting for freedom to give people the option of not giving a shit if someone fought for their freedom?” As a veteran, I have on occasion been slightly offended by people not seeming to care that I fought for their liberties, but then again, that’s exactly one of the liberties they should have precisely because of my service in the military. Moreover, imagine this story taking place in Nazi Germany or Stalin’s Russia or some such. You’d better be a good little Nazi youth officer! These men are out there killing Jews so that you don’t have to earn your desks! Just because so one fights for ideas that you share or benefit from doesn’t mean you should thank them.

Don’t get me wrong (too late) I support standing up for and defending some (very few) ideas but I’m not sure killing is the best way to show that support. (Meanwhile, I am all for defending one’s self with deadly force when one is aggressed.) It’s quite arguable that dropping nukes on Hiroshima AND Nagasaki was necessary and if a strong case can be made for not dropping at least one of those bombs, American veterans of that war are on the hook for the murder of civilians. Oh, that’s right, most soldiers just take orders. Hmm, that didn’t work for the Nazi’s after they lost WWII, did it? But I guess since America always wins we’re just supposed to say, “Team America! Fuck yeah!”

I regard what the teacher did as a waste of the student’s time. If what she wanted to do was instill a sense of respect for veterans in the children, she should have had them campaign the government to show some respect for their veterans’ lives by asking the government not to slash veteran benefits. You think the Average Joe doesn’t show enough respect for veterans? The Average Joe has nothing on the U.S. government that sends mostly-the-poor off to war. Without body armor.

Fortunately, I am a veteran and I can say these things without repercussion since I’ve earned free speech for myself. And just for the record, I sat on the floor and wrote this.

Morons and Chain Email

Know what I hate? People. Stupid, stupid people. Human beings just can’t stop being irrational, spiteful jackasses. On top of that, they have the audacity to lay claim to some measure of intelligence. Such arrogance!

Take for example the architect of a semi-recent email about who Barack Obama really is, an email designed to strike fear into the hearts of every former slave-owning, white Southerner who lacks education and refinement. The email, sent to me by parties who shall remain anonymous, was intended to dissuade me from supporting the junior senator from Illinois. Problem is, I think for myself. My opinion is not easily manipulated. So let’s examine the email with a critical eye because really, that’s what anyone should do.

The email begins innocently enough by saying everything is factual. Heck, the info is right there on snopes.com, and by golly, if it’s on the internet, it must be true…”Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white Athiest from Wichita, Kansas.” Hmm, okay, not that innocently. Barack’s name is pointed out for obvious reasons (he’s related to Saddam Hussein! OMG!). Then the author spells out in caps the word “Muslim,” as if that’s so vital a point as not to be missed. As an atheist, I‘m practically offended. As everyone knows, evil atheists orchestrated the brutal and oppressive communist Soviet government all those years ago. But it looks like we’ve got nothing on Muslims.

“Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia. When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia. Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta. He also spent two years in a Catholic school.” Again, “Muslim” is spelled out in caps while “Catholic” is not, as the author intends/pretends to appear, uh, fair and balanced. What is not mentioned here is that in that Muslim school, no one is taught Islamic doctrines. Catholic schools on the other hand, well, I think they’re busy even today teaching kids that the Sun goes around the Earth.

“Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that he is not a radical.” How are they trying to do that exactly? I’m pretty sure that if he talked the talk and walked the walk (praying five times a day to Mecca, strapping bombs to his chest—because all Muslims do that—while shouting ‘God is great!’), someone would notice. In what manner does Obama act like a radical and how does his staff cover it up? Have they been hiring Cheney’s people or what?

“Keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead, the Koran.” Actually, according to snopes.com, this is false. Sooooo, where-the-*$@# does the author get off previously stating all the information was factually correct, being that it appear on snopes.com?? What’s also worth mentioning here is that religious tests are not required to hold office. Again, wtf? Is the author implying that we should only trust Christians? Why the hell would I trust anyone who says they are a follower of Jesus Christ but doesn’t act anything like him? And isn’t the Catholic Church busy going bankrupt because their priests couldn’t keep their hands off kids? I’m just sayin’…

“Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegience…Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches.” Factually incorrect again, not to mention sensationalist. Obama was photographed without his hand over his heart while the national anthem played. Make of that what you will, just be sure to look around the stadium next time you’re at a ballgame. See how many patriots can’t be bothered to put down their beer while the Star Spangled Banner plays. At any rate, I’d rather have a president who doesn’t put his hand over his heart for the national anthem than a president who treats the Constitution like toilet paper.

“The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States, one of their own!!!!” So…George W. Bush is a Muslim? Oh, sh*t!

The author closes by saying that while Oprah may want Obama to be president, he does not! Well, who are you going to trust, Oprah, or some jackass who won’t give you their name or credentials? I don’t typically give a hoot what celebrities say, but I’m gonna trust my gut and go with Oprah on this one. I don’t know about you.