Sunday, January 20, 2008

Morons and Chain Email

Know what I hate? People. Stupid, stupid people. Human beings just can’t stop being irrational, spiteful jackasses. On top of that, they have the audacity to lay claim to some measure of intelligence. Such arrogance!

Take for example the architect of a semi-recent email about who Barack Obama really is, an email designed to strike fear into the hearts of every former slave-owning, white Southerner who lacks education and refinement. The email, sent to me by parties who shall remain anonymous, was intended to dissuade me from supporting the junior senator from Illinois. Problem is, I think for myself. My opinion is not easily manipulated. So let’s examine the email with a critical eye because really, that’s what anyone should do.

The email begins innocently enough by saying everything is factual. Heck, the info is right there on, and by golly, if it’s on the internet, it must be true…”Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white Athiest from Wichita, Kansas.” Hmm, okay, not that innocently. Barack’s name is pointed out for obvious reasons (he’s related to Saddam Hussein! OMG!). Then the author spells out in caps the word “Muslim,” as if that’s so vital a point as not to be missed. As an atheist, I‘m practically offended. As everyone knows, evil atheists orchestrated the brutal and oppressive communist Soviet government all those years ago. But it looks like we’ve got nothing on Muslims.

“Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia. When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia. Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta. He also spent two years in a Catholic school.” Again, “Muslim” is spelled out in caps while “Catholic” is not, as the author intends/pretends to appear, uh, fair and balanced. What is not mentioned here is that in that Muslim school, no one is taught Islamic doctrines. Catholic schools on the other hand, well, I think they’re busy even today teaching kids that the Sun goes around the Earth.

“Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that he is not a radical.” How are they trying to do that exactly? I’m pretty sure that if he talked the talk and walked the walk (praying five times a day to Mecca, strapping bombs to his chest—because all Muslims do that—while shouting ‘God is great!’), someone would notice. In what manner does Obama act like a radical and how does his staff cover it up? Have they been hiring Cheney’s people or what?

“Keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead, the Koran.” Actually, according to, this is false. Sooooo, where-the-*$@# does the author get off previously stating all the information was factually correct, being that it appear on What’s also worth mentioning here is that religious tests are not required to hold office. Again, wtf? Is the author implying that we should only trust Christians? Why the hell would I trust anyone who says they are a follower of Jesus Christ but doesn’t act anything like him? And isn’t the Catholic Church busy going bankrupt because their priests couldn’t keep their hands off kids? I’m just sayin’…

“Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegience…Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches.” Factually incorrect again, not to mention sensationalist. Obama was photographed without his hand over his heart while the national anthem played. Make of that what you will, just be sure to look around the stadium next time you’re at a ballgame. See how many patriots can’t be bothered to put down their beer while the Star Spangled Banner plays. At any rate, I’d rather have a president who doesn’t put his hand over his heart for the national anthem than a president who treats the Constitution like toilet paper.

“The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States, one of their own!!!!” So…George W. Bush is a Muslim? Oh, sh*t!

The author closes by saying that while Oprah may want Obama to be president, he does not! Well, who are you going to trust, Oprah, or some jackass who won’t give you their name or credentials? I don’t typically give a hoot what celebrities say, but I’m gonna trust my gut and go with Oprah on this one. I don’t know about you.

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