Wednesday, January 23, 2013

10 Signs a Conspiracy Theorist is Full of Shit

I admit to being alarmed by the insistence of conspiracy theorists that the shooting tragedy in Newton, Conn. was staged. I'm not going to go so far as to say conspiracies do not take place, but there is a difference between investigative journalism and talking out of your ass. Thus, I give you the ten signs that a conspiracy theorist is full of shit...

10-Everything they write online is full of grammatical errors and ends with the phrase, “WAKE UP!”

9-If you fail to believe what they believe, you are one of the ‘sheep,’ an insult that in Bizzaro World will convince you that they’re right.

8-They call themselves a ‘truther’ based on unsubstantiated facts.

7-They invite you to do your own research and see for yourself because when you’re serious about convincing people, it’s best not to provide where you got your information.

6-They fail to apply their great skepticism to any of their own beliefs.

5-Any situation in which bad information has been given or that raises multiple questions is automatically a conspiracy to them.

4-They don’t think of any more than one answer to those questions.

3-They don’t give any remotely nuanced solution to the world’s problems.

2-They think the general public would actually be alarmed if they knew the truth about what was going on around them, which happens to be that inter-dimensional reptilian aliens who can shape-shift are running the world.

1-They think that they have the power to expose the plans of the nefarious and nearly unstoppable forces that rule the world.

1 comment:

Amy Austad said...

They also counter every argument with "well that evidence is just fabricated by the government!"