Gun Ownership Questionnaire

Should you be allowed to own a gun? This short questionnaire will answer this pressing question.

1)    Do you believe in a deity?

2)    We know about Mohammed, but would Jesus have owned a gun?

3)    Are you a man?

4)    Do you think women should be subservient to men?

5)    Do you have an ex-girlfriend?

6)    If you’re a woman, has your husband ever cheated on you?

7)    Do you think abortion is murder?

8)    Do you think requiring classes before owning a gun is a ridiculous idea?

9)    Do you think society would be safer if everyone had a gun?

10) Do you think society would be safer if no one had a gun?

11)  Do you get road rage?

12)  Are you a mean drunk?

13)  Are you now or have you ever taken medication to control your moods?

14)  Do you take any illegal drugs besides marijuana (if marijuana is still illegal in your backwards state)?

15)  Do you drink Budweiser or Coors?

16)  Do you live in any southern or ‘red’ state?

17)  Is high school your highest level of education?

18)  Do you think the authors of the 2^nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution had the vision to anticipate assault weapons?

19)  Does you think the “well-regulated militia” referred to in the 2^nd Amendment mean individuals who aren’t part of a militia should own a gun?

20)  Does the “well-regulated militia” referred to in the 2^nd Amendment mean you should be able to own a gun without training?

21)  Do you think President Obama is a Muslim?

22)  Do you pronounce ‘government’ ‘gun’mint’?

23)  Do you think the gub’mint is poisoning us with chemtrails?

24)  Do you think the gub’mint trying to mind control the U.S. population by adding fluoride to tap water?

25)  Do you own a gun for ‘protection’ and not because you just like guns?

If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, congratulations! you should probably not own a gun because you have mental health issues. And that’s what this is really about; owning or not owning guns isn’t ‘Merica’s problem, it’s the fact that ‘Merica has some deep psychological problems. The mentally ill should not own guns. End of story.

The Etymology of 'Idiot'

If there is one sure fire way to spot an idiot, it would have to be the way some people – usually conspiracy theorists (ironically also referred to as ‘truthers’) – think they have figured out what some words actually mean or how words are sometimes used against them. 

For example, I recall one particularly idiotic truther tried entertaining his disturbingly large audience of 200 people with the revelation that the word ‘youngster’ is really referring to youngsters as being ‘young stars’ as human beings are in fact beings of light. Nevermind that the etymology (the study of the origin of words and their historical usage) of the word ‘young’ stems from the Old English word ‘geong’ and Middle English word ‘yong’ which both refer to someone as being from the early part of life or as possessing the looks of someone who looks as though they belong to the early part of life. The suffix ‘-ster’ is also derived from Old and Middle English (and Proto-Germanic) and at when added to a word refers to that thing as belonging to a specified group or as doing something specific. Unsurprisingly, the word for a youngster is ‘enfant’ in French and ‘junge’ or ‘kind’ in German, words that have ZERO to do with this truther’s claims about young people being the children of stars. Certainly one can just make up out of thin air their own etymologies, but that doesn’t mean their imaginings are true. [The same person completely ignored some key definitions of ‘defense’ and intentionally narrowed the meaning of the word to make a rather poor argument in their favor regarding imperialism.]

Then there’s this ridiculous conspiracy theorist meme, depicted on the left. In actuality, the word ‘govern-’ as it relates here is derived from the Old French word ‘governor’ which is itself derived from the Latin ‘gubernare,’ itself derived from the Greek word ‘kybernan’ meaning to pilot or captain a ship. Meanwhile, ‘-ment’ was imported from the French and Latin ‘-mentum’ and means the result of an action. As one clever commenter wrote on English.stockexchange.com “If ‘-ment’ always referred to the mind, then a replacement would be a brain transplant, punishment would be a headache, and an attachment would be a neural implant.”

More recently, another truther tried to explain in her Youtube video that when police ask you if you understand what they are saying, answering ‘yes’ means you are giving them permission to stand over you. Nevermind that the word comes from the Old English usage of ‘understandan’ which simply means to perceive the meaning of words or ideas spoken to you. That’s it. If what this conspiracy theorist is saying is true, then you simply have to tell police you don’t understand them when they ask you if you understand and it’s like a get-out-of-jail-free card!

Conspiracy theorists / truthers (‘-ists’ and ‘-ers’ is used in a very similar fashion to ‘-ster’, btw) claim to want to make you think, but when you do and actually do research the things the talk about and come to a ‘real’ conclusion, they’ll have none of it. They’ll throw every ad hominin attack or straw man fallacy in the book at you. Conspiracy theorists are alarmingly delusional and should be hospitalized before they hurt someone or themselves. Or, we can invite them to leave and start their own country. I know, I know, they’re too lazy for all that. A few idiots ruin it for the rest of us.

[‘Idiot,’ by the way, comes from the Old French and Latin word ‘idiota’ meaning ‘ignorant person.’ Unsurprisingly, the usage of idiot’ has risen exponentially with the advent of the internet.]

When a Friend Goes Insane

Always be wary of people claiming special knowledge of the divine…

Before you watch the following video from this Youtube ‘truther,’ I have a disclaimer to make: I used to be friends with the fellow in this video, very good friends in high school. After years out of touch, we got back in touch via Facebook. As time wore on I noticed his beliefs weren’t what they once were, becoming more and more insane. Personally knowing some of this person’s trials in recent years, I’ve drawn the conclusion that he has chosen to accuse the world around himself for his misfortunes since, as he is an egomaniac, he cannot accept the misfortunes that befall him as anything that might be his own fault. He’s in good company to that end. (Okay, not everything was his fault. I'll grant that.) While I believe that in his becoming a 'truther' he means well and I believe that he believes he means well. But, this only brings to mind the old saying, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”  Eventually I had to halt our friendship on my end because I cannot abide by people so deeply invested in their own bullshit. Plus, you can’t have a conversation with someone who refuses to listen to your arguments even when they insist you should always draw your own conclusions. In a way, I’m mad at him for that. Maybe you’ll see why. So, onto the video followed by my analysis of this person's madness.

Chris, like many believers, presupposes the existence of God – it doesn’t matter in which way – and twists information to agree with what he already believes. Chris is not someone who doubted God’s existence and went looking for logical proofs because if he did that, he would never have found that logical proof. Observe the manner by which he looks towards the Bible for his evidence which just happens to be the dominant scripture in the country he lives in. If he lived in the Middle East, would he be saying, “If you read the Koran, you’ll see that blah blah blah but it doesn’t mean what you’ve been taught”? Probably.

He’s says about 666 being the number of Satan, “That could technically be true.” So if it’s not technically true that means it’s not true at all. If 666 is not the number of the Beast, human beings being carbon-based life forms is totally irrelevant. So I really would love Chris to give proof that 666 is symbolic of some actual and ultimate evil. ‘Cause if it’s not true – I’m pretty sure someone afraid of the numbers three and six just made that up one day – this guy more crackers than anyone gives him credit for.

Chris then says – in talking about us as beings of light – says if you look at your skin under a microscope, you’re made of atoms, that is, electrical components, that is, light. Jeebus, someone get this guy a physics book; he can’t tell the difference between an atom and a photon. Next, he says because we are beings of light, we call our children “youngsters” while completely ignoring the word’s Germanic and English roots, etymology being something Chris likes to disregard so that he can make the most spurious conclusions regarding words sound like the truth.

From there, he holds up a symbol claiming that it represents God and his proof that human beings have God in us is a picture of a newly fertilized embryo which, sure, is vaguely similar but in actuality a two dimensional symbol of God looks nothing like a three dimensional embryo. And, the so-called symbol of God could just as easily be a hydrogen atom (or just about anything else) if you use your imagination as much as Chris does.

Now if you’ve watched the video up to this point, I know what you’re thinking: You don’t understand Chris’ point because you don’t know what he’s saying; is he saying that human beings are the Beast or that we have God inside of us? Is it both? Someone call the logic police.

[By the way, it’s worth noting here all kinds of stupid conclusions one could draw from symbols. For example, I could argue that a triangle is the number of the Beast. You see, a triangle has three angles which when added together make 180 degrees. If you add 1 + 8 + 0, you get 9. You can get 9 by adding 3 and 6. Or, you could divide 18 (drop the zero) by 6 and you get 3. Either way, this is a roundabout yet unmistakable way of saying that a triangle equals three sixes; 666.]

At the end he says, “For all the people who think that you go nowhere when you die, let me ask you, where do you come from? Something can’t come from nothing.” Ugh, I can’t believe he said that. His logic is so unbelievably flawed on several levels here. First of all, the former has nothing to do with the latter, Two, Chris never bothers to apply this very logic to the existence of God. Granted, almost every believer tries this ridiculous argument but that doesn’t make it true because it keeps getting repeated. Three, even if something exists for us after we die, this says absolutely zero about the existence of a god. Four, if the universe has always existed, given enough time the existence of human beings is a 100% certainty in exactly the same way that 12 monkeys at 12 typewriters, given an infinite amount of time, will accidently reproduce the works of Shakespeare. Five, how does he know about the origins of the universe? Was he there? I have to throw that back at him since he uses this very counter-argument against a critic in the comments section. (He also says in the comment section that we are light; so what are we made of, carbon or light? He can’t seem to make up his mind, probably because we are mostly made of water.)

As always, Chris likes to open his videos by claiming he loves to make people think, so I find it odd that he gets remarkably defensive when anyone disagrees with his conclusions. (Or, I would find it odd if I didn’t already know he’s an egomaniac.) If you disagree with Chris, he predictably will counter with a line or two about how you are programmed by the Illuminati or otherwise metaphorically ‘asleep’ or ‘blind.’ Yet, he can’t see his own programming for what it is, the programming that leads him to cherry-pick information from the Bible and other sources to suit his needs. Chris will admonish you for being educated because somehow, all formal education is bad, which makes sense for someone who couldn’t last two months at one of New York’s most well-known party colleges. Yet, all the knowledge he seeks out is magically legit. Wow!

Indeed, be wary of those claiming special knowledge of the divine, especially those who, in another video,  tells you that all forms of government are bad and then asks you to join his “Barnone Nation.” Are you kidding me?